The world is divided in to two categories of human beings – those who are bossed and those who boss. Unlike other bosses my boss is not bossy ……. he just believes he is the best.
The guy is not really fair and one can not truly label him as dark. Rotund describes him best …… with a Ganpati like belly; five foot nothing upwards, golliwog like hairs that start somewhere quite north on his shiny scalp. He is quite impressive ‘power dressed’ but that is rare as he likes to flaunt his belly in a branded tee shirt and jeans designed for a different anatomy.
Recollect Fred the fat somnolent, breathless boy in Pickwick papers ….. my boss is a grown up and darker version of Fred who has been cured of his somnolence and was on one of those nebulizers that doctors these days prescribe to asthmatics. Talking with him …. you expect him to take a puff and then continue. However, he enjoys good health.
He smokes vile cigars and claims to be a connoisseur. The recent ban on smoking proved to be a boon … now whenever he calls me to his cabin ……… I start cribbing about passive smoking. Now days he walks down to my cubicle when he feels like a chat……….
He is fond of good things in life. Few gins (he prefers the ‘maass khor’ ~ beefeater if some body else is paying) and tonics at lunch and a paua (200 ml) of good scotch in the evenings are enough to put him in a good humour. A good chinese chopsuey and a cold drink laced with gin (local brand as I become an aficionado of – ‘Use Local’ with him) has often extracted me and my colleagues from tricky objections of the HR / FC.
He has a very proper attitude to matters relating to rules and law. He has often explained to me – “A red light is a suggestion.”
If there is a law, don’t treat it like a law.
If there is a rule, don’t treat it like a rule.
Consider it to be a suggestion and you can conveniently ignore it.
Now do not get wrong notions. He is a recondite person. I am actually lucky to have him as a boss. He is strong in policy and planning ….. I prepare the basic drafts, flow charts, road maps etc and he is very kind to use them without expecting them to be modified seventeen times (in fact I hardly see them again).
He is really good at ‘power point’ …. I am supposed to compile all the information on ‘word’ and then he takes over. He has the imagination and inside knowhow to add the right mix of spices and garnish to satisfy the clients and the company bigwigs. Minor inaccuracies never seem to bother him and he has the élan to deliver them convincingly. I know bosses have to be good at some thing …… giving spin to facts certainly requires special skills.
The chap is a real friend. Last year, I was due for promotion but the boss did not forward my name. Instead, he took me to lunch and started shedding tears in to his gin …. ‘My dear, if I forward your name … I will not have any competent persons left in my section’, and then went on to enumerate the short comings of all my peers whom he had recommended for promotion. ‘Good riddance’ he closed the topic and tackled his lunch.
This year, he is hoping to become a VP and intends to take me along to his new set of duties. No chance of my name being forwarded.
I am so sad for my boss. I just over heard the senior VP telling his secretary to develop a strategy for getting rid of the Gol Gappa (that’s my boss). Tell you a secret …. that secretary is a great fan of mine. She loves conspiracies. I keep her aware about the global ones and she plans the local ones. Think globally and act locally.
I love my boss …….but I do need a raise!!